Location: Lisbon, Portugal
Who’s there?: Ally n Jenny n Nicky n Paul
When?: 16th-19th August 2024
And we’re off again! This time, Mrs J and I are having a cheeky wee break in sunny Lisbon – somewhere neither of us have been to before. To be fair, I’ve always had some reservation about the place, and I don’t mean through Air B n B. It was the scene of the tragic loss suffered by Inter Milan in 1967 in the European Cup Final. That sad association will forever remain, but let’s see how it feels now, as I’m not one for holding on to bygones.
Joining us are super-duper amigos, Paul and Nicky, who’re travelling from their hometown in Wales and meeting us there. Unfortunately, two other bessie mates, Clare and Kaz, had to pull out, due to a serious family illness ☹. We promise to do our very best and eat and drink their share of the town!
Jenny and I start our travels with the usual dirty big brekkers at Heathrow. Being a very ‘shop- local’ couple, we carefully select a full English breakfast composed of pineapple, kiwis and strawberries, with avocado and poached eggs, and various seeds. I’m having a rare treat with a nice big spicy tomato juice, the drink of Kings – that no one in ma hoose appreciates. Delicious.
Figure 1: Treating ourselves to a traditional English fry up as our main meal of the day
Our flight with TAP is smooth and in good time, being only 94 minutes late. Dumping bags in room, it’s straight out to play catch up with Paul and Nicky, who arrived four hours ago. They’ve already found a nice wee bar, a street or two behind our digs. Before long, we’re having a good ol’ knees up, with drinks flowing a plenty.
Figure 2: Tanning a few scoops in our first Lisbon bar. Very nice!
Following dinner, and a quick wander round the streets and bars, it’s next morning before we know it. I decide to go for a run before it gets too scorchio, which it will – predicted to be 32 oC. Our hotel is pitched pretty near to the seafront, and we have a great view of the blue Atlantic ocean from oor window.
Figure 3: Great view of the sea from our window. Jenny sings gently to me from our bed.
I don’t have a route in mind really. Just run 15 mins in one direction and 15 mins back, hoping I can remember how I go there. As soon as I leave the hotel, the heat hits me. It’s only 7:00am and it’s already 25 oC. I’d best go even slower than normal. It’s a nice wee run and recommended for those inclined, all though it is completely flat. A good bunch of similarly minded nutters are doing the same, albeit much faster than me. Ach well, go at yer own pace, that’s what I say. Despite the healing Embo waters, my foot is still in recovery. Nevertheless, I prevail, passing a very fine-looking town square and an almighty cruise ship – made me think I’m no so slow after all, until I realized on the way back that it was berthed. Nice start to the day 😊
Figure 4: Jen & I at the massive square place, just up from the waterfront
After brekkers the four of us pootle towards town in search of touristy entertainment, drinks and revellery. Things start off really badly as we find ourselves in a street of shops. Each is filled with tacky garbage, which according to some members of the troupe are ‘quite nice’. Hmm. I wonder if it’s too early for a beer…looking at my world clock I can see its 9 am back home, 10 am here, but 6pm In Sydney! Hurrah. I am an Australian citizen, so gotta fly the flag. I gently put it to Jen, but no dice. More shopping first. If I was Wolfy, my tail would be between my legs, but praise ye the lord for small disasters. The wee man has phoned to declare a state of emergency back at ooor hooose – there is a burst pipe in the basement and it’s wet everywhere. Hurrah!!!! We have to exit the shops immediately and hit the street as reception is poor. Fortunately, Mr Miaows is there to help him, as he often does in a disaster situation. He has abandoned the hoose and is outside the window on the top floor. Nice move Mr Miaow Miaows! Nae chance of getting wet there! Remaining calm and level headed in an emergency, Paul and Nicky head in search of a decent bar; we promise we’ll meet them there very soon, once we have an action plan for the youngster and Mr Miaow Miaows.
Figure 5: High drama. Could be a cat-astrophe, so Mr Miaow Miaows evacuates the hoose!
We don’t disappoint, and deliver an emergency strategy that saves Mr Miaows and halts the flooding. Jenny and I quickly skip merrily hand in hand to the awaiting Paul and Nicky for some much needed and well deserved refreshment. A few scoopy doos and a scooby snack or two later and the four of us are on our way on a tour of the old town, with a most excellent tuk-tuk and driver.
Figure 6: Delicious cod-fish cake and Aperol, and a local delicacy
Figure 7: Lucky lucky tuk-tuk-tucky – on oor way to hit the sights
And what a nice wee tuk-tuk it is too. Some might say it was tuk-ing brilliant. It slowly and carefully takes us up the narrow winding roads towards various points of interest, such as cafes, bars and women in black dancing in the streets. I briefly pop my head into a chapel thingy but quickly get out before I am attacked, made to pay for my sins, or worse. In general, there is a nice warm, sunny happy feel about the hilly Lisbon Old Town, and we stop off for various poses, and a tiny wee bit of shopping at a market stall, where I buy Jenny something extremely expensive as a reminder of the trip.
Figure 8: Dangerous looking, well-attended place. Keep the exit close by.
Figure 9: Scorchio in sunny Lisbon
Figure 10: Rush hour in the old town
Later, we walk down through the magnificent square and along the seafront. We are distracted by some scary beached sea monsters. As everyone knows, Lisbon was conquered by numerous parties over the centuries, from Islamic Moors, Spanish, Napoleon and Wellington, finally becoming a republic in 1910. From then on, things were peaceful until that fateful European Cup Final in 1967, from which the city, quite sadly, has not quite recovered.
Figure 11: Remembering the sorrowful day that fans gathered for the 1967 Euro. cup final
Figure 12: This monster is the spitting image of one of my ex- in-laws
Portugal is well known for it’s love of fish, having invented cod croquettes and sardines. It would be rude of us all not to partake in a serious fishy dinner. So, without further ado, the cheeky foursome head for a nearby restaurant. True to local cuisine, it is a treat. After careful thought I consider paying homage to the fish of Portugal, and order a steak and chips instead. Everyone knows Scottish fush is the best! Shop local I say! Get yer Salmon fresh from a farm in Milngavie – it’s true, I’ve seen them myself and they can even glow brightly at night time. Let’s make Scotland great again!
Anyway, my steak is pretty decent, even though I haven’t seen any cow in Lisbon – so far. Or chippies for that matter. Wonder where they get their potatoes from? I should have asked the tuk-tuking tour guide, who appeared to know her tucker.
Figure 13: Traditional Lisboan dinner. Fush fresh from tins
Figure 14: Decent steak and chups
Next day, we decide to do a bit more of a walk, taking us along the coast, which is very nice, and then upwards to get a view over the sea again. It’s pretty boiling, but we soldier on with the occasional stop for a refreshment. Poor old Mrs J was particularly dehydrated, so we ordered her two drinks at one point, which she rapidly disposed of.
Figure 15: Careful sun fans – Lisbon can be a tad scorchio. Make sure you drink plenty
Whilst the girls ran off to the shops, Paul and I continued our iron man training and climbed some mountains, which the local planners had kindly built steps into, thus making our work out even harder. Not being quitters, we soon overcame that challenge, with not a bead of sweat between us; quick as a flash we’d found a table and ordered lunch in a fab wee exclusive café restaurant bar place, whilst we waited for the girls’ helicopter to land, laden with bags of shopping and an entourage of paparazzi.
Figure 16: Mountain climbing in Lisbon is challenging, exhilarating and sweaty betty
Figure 17: Nothing better than chillaxing after a morning’s exercise
We stumble across loads of interesting stuff around the hill tops – like this dinosaur dropping from 824 billion years ago, preserved impeccably (see Figure 18). We saw some locals trying to eat them but we knew better. We know a pre-historic artefact when we see one.
Figure 18: Pre-historic dinosaur browner. Must’ve been a sore one.
My favourite construction is the big archway thing, that if you look through, you can see the sea! How good is that? Most arches around the world are rubbish. Take the Arc de Triomphe, for example. Look through that and all you see is cars or German tanks. Or, take the Arch of Constantine in Rome. Look through that and all you see are people looking through the arch. Boring! I’m glad my Uncle Archie was named after an arch though, as that’s a great name and he’s a very nice Uncle. I think he would like the Lisbon arch, although he is used to very fine architecture in Barmulloch, even though he has glycoma.
Figure 19: A splendid example of a proper bit of architecture. Designed by my uncle Archie.
We also spotted a local shop that sold ice-creams with fancy cones, mango and biscuits carefully rammed on top. Not easy on the eye but melt-tastic on the tongue. One of the great produces from the local area, and only 15 euros per scoop. It is no small wonder that Lisbon is known as the ice cream capital of Portugal. It’s a great hit for everyone and long queues can be seen up and down the block.
Figure 20: Nice ice baby. Cannae beat a bit o’ vanilla ice.
One thing the observant traveler should notice is the perpetual blueness of the sky. It is everywhere, day and night, high and low. It just makes you want to eat things and drink hunners of scoops.
Figure 21: Jen at the midnight garden – check that for a sky
We meander through town thinking about where we’ll have dinner, as we haven’t eaten for a good 15 minutes or so. Before long, we find ourselves sat down, horsing through a selection of local delicacies from Iran. I think the wine might be from there too, as it’s fairly horrific, and we can only just about manage a third bottle. Food was very tasty though, so I take a note to visit Iran some time – maybe when I’ve recovered from that fateful match in 1978 where we drew 1-1 in Argentina, and that was an o.g. as well. Hmmmm. I’ve heard Afghanistan is nice this time of year. I wouldn’t mind meeting the Burpers up the Kyhber. Cannae beat a bit of Carry On.
Figure 22: The last supper – glad we’re not doing the dishes
Overall, Lisbon was decent, not spectacular and not Seville, but a very enjoyable break with some friends. Lots of laughs, beers n eats. The heat and the hills were just about manageable, and Uncle Archie’s arch was immense. Unlike May 25th 1967, we saw absolutely no crime at all, and I can safely say Lisbon is safe as houses….oh, err, that reminds me, Mr Miaow Miaows needs to call an emergency plumber before we get home.
Sources
1-22: Ally & Jenny Grant photos & vids August 2024